Monday I got a call that Claire’s new activity chair was being delivered this week. I expected to be relieved that this was finally coming together but it caught me off guard and felt like a punch to the gut. A high chair for my 9-year-old, great. While I know it is what’s best for safety and quality of life, I never wanted durable medical equipment permanently parked at our dining table. What I’d really like is for Claire to sit on the bench, unsupported and feed herself but that’s not happening, and it hurt. I sulked. The seizures helped to really let me go to that low place where I don’t think I can take another step forward. Then we got a call from our mortgage company that there had been a huge detail overlooked and suddenly I was unsure if we’d be able to close on our new home as scheduled and everything felt so uncertain. I was angry and tired and wanted to throw myself the biggest pity party ever. Thankfully, I wasn’t left to my own devices and that didn’t happen.
When I reached out and connected with those around that love me, I was just in awe of how even with shit piled to the ceiling, the goodness pile was so much bigger. To start with there was Captain Awesome, singing while he did dishes after a long day of work and putting the girls to bed. Then there was a friend who came straight from the chiropractor to help move furniture and create so much goodness that you just can’t be angry. Today, my terrible, horrible, no good very bad week was transformed with the generosity of a stranger.
In February I blogged about being heartbroken that we had to move. At that time I had no idea how the story would unfold. As it turns out, it’s been a beautiful one. At the time, there were no homes for sale in our area that would work for Claire, so our realtor posted about our family on Facebook and asked anyone who had a home that would work, if they wanted to sell it to us. Sure enough, the perfect home at the perfect price popped up. I had forgotten about the amazing story with all the crazy going on and was reminded of it today when I stopped by to take a picture of the sidewalk at the new home for our occupational therapist. The current owner was working away, doing a bunch of repairs way better than we had dreamed of. I won’t bore you with all the details of the transaction, but let me tell you that good people are out there, doing awesome things, you just have to look for it.
I could still be frustrated at the long list of not great things this week. We are still in survival mode, my Chrons is flaring and Claire still has Rett syndrome. But there are good people out there. With each hard day there have also been little nuggets of goodness to focus on, sometimes they are harder to see, but they are always there. Today, that’s how I am surviving in Rettland. By choosing to find goodness and looking for the opportunities that I have to put it back out there. I hope that today some goodness finds you and that for a moment, there is a break in the crazy of Rettland.