I thought that January was going to be the nice normal life after the chaos of the holidays, boy was I wrong. I don’t know how or why but I keep forgetting about the chaos that is our normal life. We got a few great times at the beach in and enjoyed some fabulous weather. We also stayed up all night more than once. Closely monitoring Claire’s oxygen and heart rate as her body seized and her fever spiked. There just isn’t a way to recover from that. I’m having a hard time fighting against living so broken. I love living a life that celebrates what we have. I try not to stare at the gaping hole in our life that our vibrant 9-year-old should be filling. She’s not slamming the door and giving me tons of attitude for making her finish her homework. I’m not driving in circles dropping her off to after school activities. No. I’m home napping in the middle of the day because I spent the night counting her breathes. It isn’t even a crisis anyone, rather the natural rhythm of our life has come to include hospital equipment at home so we don’t have to bother with calling 911. It’s a good thing and it’s not, like all worthwhile things, it’s complicated.