I think I might be giving up on holidays this year, I just don’t have it in me to do anything more than our normal. Today the reality really sank in. After spending the morning dealing with the practical side of my Chrones disease and my weary body I was determined to get out and have a fairly normal day. After a lot of rain it was finally sunny so the girls and I went out for a walk in the warm sun. Claire smiled as the king tide produced huge waves smashing into the cliffs and Chloe zipped around on her scooter in “ninja mode” whatever that means. It was glorious, it was normal.

It wasn’t world-changing or some huge feat, it was our old routine that we slipped back into like a pair of jeans that are a size too big and it was confidence inspiring after the few weeks that I have had. As the normal day went on I grew tired from Chloe’s copious amounts of energy, anyone would.

We took Claire to have her AFO’s refitted as some sort of problem had developed that was clearly affecting her ability to walk and snowballing at a rapid pace. As we walked into the room Chloe bounded to work on her ninja skills on the parallel bars while Claire’s brain started to take her hostage. Her stomach froze and she couldn’t take a breath. Quickly she turned grey and started to convulse. I sang to her as I do and my heart sank. I can deal with stuff like this, I do every day. I can’t deal with this and then go home and make cookies, wrap presents or make dinner for that matter. Christmas is in 36 hours. There isn’t a wrapped gift in the house and I haven’t thought about packing for our trip to Arizona. But we are all breathing which feels like a pretty significant accomplishment as long as I don’t compare it to the holiday festivities of the rest of the world. Is it January yet? I can’t wait to get back to normal.