Don’t Drink the Tulip Water

Today marks the 1 year birthday for Rettland Foundation. A year ago I got up the courage to file for a tax id number and send in a form to the state of California. I really had no clue what I was doing or how to do it. I figured I had little sanity left to loose, there was a strong sense that something needed to be done and that I could bring some level of awesome to the world with these steps. So I jumped in.

It’s been a whirlwind since then. I’ve learned a lot and have a long list of things still to learn. We’ve gone to Boston 4 times this year and learned a lot about the process of research. Somehow along the way we finished a 5 year process and became debt free except the mortgage. We celebrated an anniversary that I never thought I’d see.

There has been more good in the past 12 months than I ever dreamed possible. There was a lot of hard too. The best way to describe it is that life was so much more than I ever imagined. It’s been surreal. It’s been scary good. But it’s taken a lot.

It’s hard to admit that I’ve given too much and come up empty but I have. It’s not how I wanted to finish the year, broken and exhausted. Slowing down, stepping back to reset, it has been a very hard process. Without the benefit of adrenaline from the constant crazy it seems my brain doesn’t work. Earlier this week I inadvertently drank the tulip water. Yes, I put the flowers in the trash and instead of dumping the water into the sink, drank it because I was so thirsty and distracted. I’m actually looking forward to my colonoscopy for the rest. I am that tired.

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I don’t know what adventures are ahead of us, I just hope that for a little while we can have less. I’m alright for less good and less bad for a while. It is a hard choice to make after loving a year filled with so much life and I’m not sure I know how to but I know I can learn new things.

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