The Middle

photoI have yet again reached delusional levels of fatigue. We knew that 2014 was going to be big and 3/4 of the way through it, I can tell you life this year has been bigger and wilder and more epic than I could have ever dreamed. Yet I am tired. With Captain Awesome out of town for 6 days this is the last stretch of physical exhaustion for our crew and we are feeling it. I’ve been up at night with Claire and this makes the days long. The fatigue has taken away my ability to think and so I fall back on routine.

Yesterday Chloe and I dropped Claire off at Kid Quest and set off to kill time have a mommy Chloe date. I am still in shock when she can tell me exactly what she wants, which was a treat at our favorite coffee shop, which worked great. So we got the mail and a pick me up at the coffee shop. Once we were in the car Chloe again used her ability to articulate her desires and asked to listen to The Middle. I had forgotten that this had been our song. For whatever reason this song seems to give Claire seizures, so Chloe and I blast it when it is just the two of us and it’s our thing.

It’s those moments that catch me off guard. The beauty, the pain, the fun. With the wind in our hair and the music up Chloe sang along “…Just try your best Try everything you can…” Tears stream down my face as my best just doesn’t feel enough after a night holding Claire limp and blue. I look in my mirror and I see this vibrant, wholehearted little girl taking the world by storm and I smile. Here I am, in between joy and heartbreak, this is life in Rettland.

4 thoughts on “The Middle

  1. Silvia Baker says:

    The Middle . . . I hate it so much and yet I treasure the “normal” moments like they were bits of gold falling from the sky. Hugs to you my sleepless Friend.

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