Messy

The last week of the adventure has been pretty rough for us.  I got sick, sometimes living with Chrones Disease is just really crappy, I will leave it at that. Then Claire got some sinus stuff. Nothing major, just enough so that she can’t really breathe well so she constantly goes between too much and not enough oxygen and that leads to air bubbles and eventually she ruins whatever clean clothes are on. It is maddening as there is nothing we can do to stop a cold. By Sunday it was a complete mess between the two of us. After going through her two changes of clothes we ended up putting Saturdays dried puked on clothes back on, proud parenting moment. Later the seizures started. Monday they got worse and came with the crazy seizure vomiting that always leaves me wondering if she will choke and die, aspirate or weather it like a champ. She came through like a champ and I was left on the side lines a hot mess.

My whole life feels like a bit of a mess right now. I guess that is what happens when you adventure and let go, things fall apart. The laundry is still piled high, the vegetables are in bags, unwashed with no meals planned for them as they rot in the fridge, I think I found the only bill that didn’t get paid on time and there are many unanswered emails. It’s hard to know when the break in the storm will come on weeks like this. I wonder how much longer I will have to sustain, what crazy mistakes I will make in my fatigue.

Then, just as quickly as the storm rolled in, I see a break and her body is at peace for a moment. Despite falling asleep in the car on the way there, Claire did great at physical therapy. Afterward we went to watch waves and rest. Every muscle in my body ached from the previous day but my heart wanted to be out, laying in the sand with Claire, feeling the waves. So I dug deeper than I knew I had, carried her out and this happened.

photoAfter that words escape me. I’m exhausted still but this cleared the fog. She reminded me why we do what we do each day, to have opportunities like this. She reminded me that I need to be sitting at the beach more because some how, it all makes sense there, whatever the all is.

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