Too relieved to grieve

It’s hard to know where to start. The day before we left I screwed up all sorts of stuff like leaving my wallet at home on my way to run errands and forgetting to actually start the washer after loading it. Strangely all that stuff going wrong just made room for more right. Like the lady at the pharmacy who let me take the brace I was going to pick up for Claire and call to pay when it was convenient for me. A friend picked Chloe up from school, somebody let me in front of them at Costco because I was just getting a few things, Jared remembered the little details that I forgot. It was overwhelming how kind everyone was and I enjoyed passing that on as I didn’t rush around. We drove down to Disneyland, Chloe freaked out when she saw the Disney lego store like she will likely never again do in her life. We got to spend some good time with my parents and Claire’s brain relaxed and was able to enjoy all of it. Some friends came to visit our hotel before we left and that resulted in an impromptu visit to build-a-bear where some nice man bought stuffies for all the girls because that is what he wanted to do to celebrate Christmas. On our way home we had planned to stop and spend one night with our friends Chris and Megan. We had so much fun that on a whim we stayed for Christmas and although we were completely unprepared it all worked out. Jared and Chloe went fishing on the boat with Chris and Xander on Christmas Eve while Megan and I cleaned up a few rounds of Claire’s vomit before heading out to Costco. I know that might not sound awesome but it was because when you are with friends like this it doesn’t matter what you are doing, it is awesome. Eventually we came home, did our little Christmas, I got sick, Chloe got sick and now I’m sitting here, when I should be folding the multiple mountains of laundry behind me. Through the whole trip Chloe obsessively listened to the soundtrack to Frozen and one line in particular has stuck with me. “I know I left a life behind but I’m too relieved to grieve…let it go!” I can’t think of a better way to describe where I am right now. I know that chronic sorrow is still a very real part of my life. I know that the next year will be very challenging with all of the travel for the trial and things that will undoubtedly pop up but I don’t care. We’ve never had a Christmas that was this wonderful. For that matter I could add Thanksgiving, Halloween, and the 4th of July from this year too. We are less alone now and I am so deeply relieved.

It is so hard to try to describe the greatness of our epic adventure so here are some pictures that will speak for me.

IMG_6180  IMG_6224IMG_6229 IMG_6253 IMG_6290 IMG_6309 IMG_6322 photo

IMG_6393 IMG_6340 IMG_6331IMG_6349  IMG_6377 IMG_6387IMG_6425IMG_6431

A huge thank you to each and every one of you that has joined me here in our Adventure in Rettland. I am so thankful to have this extension of support and people on the advenute together that reaches around the globe. I wish you all the best in 2014 and hope that you will continue on this journey with us as I am certain great things are in store.


3 thoughts on “Too relieved to grieve

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