Thankful and…

IMG_5819Right now I am thankful and I am also sad. I am even thankful for Rett Syndrome. I am thankful that because of it my life has more depth and beauty than it would have otherwise. I am thankful that because of it I have been pushed to dream bigger than I ever could have conceived in my typical normal life. Still, as grateful that I am for the abundance of goodness that has come into my world I am sad. I am sad that the package at the door wasn’t the Christmas cards it was the diapers. I am sad that I have to type up an explanation of every hour of respit that we need in December instead of spending that time doing something more fun. I am sad that as we enjoy our Thanksgiving feast with friends Claire will be spoon fed, I so wonder what kind of eater she would be. Would she space out in between bites like her sister, would she eat all of her stuffing before moving on to the mashed potatoes or would she mix them together. I am sad as she is another year older and I see her peers doing new things that I don’t know how to adapt for her. I wonder what she would be most grateful for. I share this with you today as a reminder, that just because we are thankful doesn’t mean that it’s all easy. The holidays are hard here in Rettland just as they are for many others out there. Things that we’ve become used to like seizures and speechlessness hurt in a different kind of way around such celebrated times. If you feel yourself torn, struggling between the good and the bad know that you are not alone. If you are near somebody who’s heart breaks in half like this give them lots of grace and love as when gratitude can’t heal a heart all of the way those two can cover a lot.

I wish you all out there a fabulous celebration of Thanksgiving. May your food be well seasoned, your hearts be full and laughter fill the air. Thank you for joining me on this journey as we adventure in Rettland, I am grateful for you and that we are not alone in this.

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