Not Made for This

This weekend I had the fortune of going to see the movie Planes, twice. The second time I knew where the story was going so I could really clearly see the theme of being more than you were made for, it got me thinking. I pondered what Claire was made for. She’s got some different parts in her DNA that make a few things obvious. It’s not like she is a short person with the goal of playing basketball, it’s a little bigger than that. She loves to learn. She loves to be part of community and if I am honest, I’m not sure that is what she was made for. Her brain short circuits and freaks out when she learns in a violent convulsing, blue face sort of a way. She gets so excited to be around friends that she forgets to breathe, this makes her body rigid, her heart rate drops and it can spiral into the shaking turning blue thing. We have chosen to honor her and give her these opprtunities and help her get through the nasty side effects of choosing to be who she wants to be, even though it’s not what she was designed to be. Her brain, her DNA, wants her to go slow but she refuses. Her brain tries to reset and shut down when it’s overwhelmed and she stops it. Last week was the start of school. I expected that after the first day the fireworks would happen. I hoped that it would just be a few small ones but there were none. The second day came and went with none. When I picked her up from Kid Quest Thursday night, still none but they were trying to break through. She wasn’t herself, she was guarded, she was fighting them off. I don’t know how somebody can fight off a seizure or dystonia but Claire can. Her caregiver told me that in her years of working with epilpsy she’s never seen anyone who is so indignant and unwilling to let the seizures win. Saturday, in the safety of our home she let them all through, when she was good and ready. The next question is was I ready, am I made to go through this, but that is a whole new post.

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