When you least expect it

Yesterday got better as the day went on. I imagine on some level a good cry for me is a bit like a seizure for Claire. Often you can see it building. She isn’t quite right, something is off. I try to calm her or distract her but it doesn’t work. It could be days of her being off, before, boom, it hits and then by some miracle, she sorta seems better. It is weird. She vocalizes more and uses her hands to swipe at things purposefully after she recovers from a seizure. That is part of why I have such a love/hate relationship with her brainstorming, it is only in the afterglow that I get to hear her voice. I felt the grief creeping up on me and it was good to let it run me over and then get on with my life. I am really glad that I did because today I was able to keep up with Claire. I don’t know if she just needed time or if the new medicine is helping, but either way, she was ready to rock’n’roll this morning, so that is what we did. After a fun morning and a great day at school we were off to PT. Our last session ended with me grabbing Claire as she started brainstorming and the therapist whisking Chloe away to play. I was confident that today would at least be better than that. When we arrived, Sue was finishing up with the person ahead of Claire. Chloe had seen her friends at the playground and ran to the back door in an effort to escape and join them. I started to walk Claire to catch up with Chloe. Much to my surprise and delight her body moved effortlessly. In no time at all we got all the way to the play structure where Chloe’s friends were. Sue caught up with us and began to help Claire up the stairs. Time flew as I watched Claire laugh while she played with her sister and the other kids. My heart welled with joy as I stood and watched as Chloe, Claire and Sue formed a train to go down the big slide. I felt like Claire was getting to be the pure version of her, not tormented by her body and able to enjoy and play. As Claire landed at the bottom, a friend from her 1st grade class walked into the area. As soon as she saw Claire she ran, arms open and gave her a giant hug. I didn’t even cry (good thing I had gotten it out!) as Claire stood up and then quickly made her way to go down one last time. I stood talking with the girl’s mom while Sue helped Claire back to the top of the slide. The moment was a dream come true. Both of my kids playing together on a warm sunny afternoon as I stood and enjoyed chatting with another mom. Of all the things I expected today to be, super normal wasn’t it, but I’ll take it!

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