For the last year I have really been trying to slow down and not operate in crisis mode. With everything that happened so quickly after Claire was born, my mom, moving to Arizona, moving back to CA 6 months later, starting early intervention and getting a diagnosis, I think that I felt like I really needed to slow down. Who can keep up at that pace? Then we got in a car accident had a baby and a few surgeries. Then it was summer and then school started with a new team and now we are into IEP season. I keep saying that after the next thing life should settle down. So as I go through the days, just putting one foot in front of the other over and over, I wonder how can I keep up at this pace. Then it dawned on me, as I was talking with a friend about Claire’s daily care and the lack of margin, how there is more stuff to work on then there is hours in the day, it isn’t going to settle down for a while, a long while. Honestly this thought feels like a big punch in the gut. I really would like to have one of those normal lives where people do things like shower and think about what they want to eat or which book they should read. But it looks like my normal is just different. More of a shower every third day if I am lucky and grab some sort of protein bar to consume as I go to therapy and crash at night normal. It isn’t that bad, it just wasn’t what I expected.